Let's start with small talk first… Spring has been full, full, full. For starters, I was invited to go teach at a YWAM counseling school in South Africa in March. So I went, for about 10 days, and had an absolute blast! I reconnected with several people I hadn't seen in years, YWAM friends from before I moved to LA, friends of family, friends of friends. They treated me like a queen, took me all around Cape Town and the peninsula, to beautiful beaches and African markets as well as nice restaurants.
During the week I taught, I met some wonderful students and staff, felt so alive talking about Emotionally Focused Therapy, my passion, and got wonderful feedback. I also didn't have to cook, shop, clean, do laundry, dishes, or paperwork, it was a much needed vacation! AND, I fell in love with beautiful South Africa and can't wait to go back, this time with the whole family, hopefully.
I came back to a Kaelan who had broken his shin on the ski slopes, 3 days after I had left, and who was hopping on one foot, with the other one in a cast all the way up to his groin. There started the saga of taxi driver to school and back, carrier up and down the stairs at school (no elevator), physical therapy sessions to learn how to walk with crutches, doctors' appointments, x-rays, new cast, more physio, etc… for about 6 weeks. Exhausting!
In the midst of that, we had spring break, which means kids fighting at home, I prepared a sermon for a church service (it went well), gave a presentation at the first annual gathering of Swiss EFT Therapists, worked on my website for my Health Coaching Business, assisted Michael on a bunch of photo shoots to help him build his website and start his photography business, supervised several psychologists, therapists and psychiatrists in EFT, participated in another EFT training in Geneva while also teaching for a week in another local YWAM counseling school, started seeing clients for Health Coaching as well as new therapy clients, translated the material for the Hold Me Tight Workshop for Couples that Mike and I just held this past weekend, and… had a few breakdowns in between, because this was all too exhausting! A year aside? Really? To slow down? Hmmmm…. Something is not right with this picture…. Well, the truth is that we were coming here to figure out what the future should look like. And that as the months went by, we saw the kids blossoming, we saw the support we had here, from family and friends, we saw the opportunity to offer something different and to be unique, and we felt a nudge to trust and let go of our comfortable lives one step further. We felt torn between our desire for something new, and the familiarity of LA, our community there, all we had spent 12 years building… At some point, our family was split, half of us wanting to stay, the other half wanting to go back. Until Michael was the last one standing, the last one wanting to go back.
This, by the way, was a painful process. To not be on the same wave length with such a big decision. To feel so torn. To face the fears and the uncertainties.
On March 8th, we had a big party for Michael's birthday. And as I was lighting the candles on the cake, he got up and gave a speech. I wasn't really paying attention, as I was busy getting the cake ready, but suddenly I heard him say: "We are going to stay in Switzerland". "wait, whaaaaaattttt????". I couldn't believe it. After all these discussions, seeing him struggle so much with this place, this culture, this job… Wow! It didn't hit me right then. I thought it was an impulsive decision. But I discovered the next day that it had been well thought out and processed with his mentors and life coach, and that he felt right about it.
So there we were, jumping one more time off a cliff, not being so sure we had a parachute, but feeling ready for the ride. And then, all these doors opened for me. So I went for it. Because we are staying, and we need to figure out what the heck we are going to be doing here and how we are going to live in this very, very expensive country.
However, as I write tonight, I realize that I have exhausted myself (as usual) and that I need to refocus on the bigger picture, the dreams of my heart, and ultimately, ask God what He thinks of all of that and what He has for us. Because ultimately, it's out of my control. And I will exhaust myself if I keep trying to make it happen.
Michael had a job interview at an international school and he didn't get what seemed to be a perfect job for him. He is now being offered a job at a small private Christian school, which pays peanuts but could be interesting for him and give him enough time to develop the photography on the side. I still want to be home for the kids, but also want to work and develop a practice. Ultimately, we still dream of being part of some kind of a retreat center focused on mind, body and soul, therapy, the arts, healthy living, permaculture, adventure… and there are things on the horizon.
We are blessed with a wonderful church and community of friends, but we miss the ones we left in LA and it hurts. Daily. We also miss being independent, our home, our stuff. I know, it sounds superficial, but those were the things we had built over all these years. They represented our success, our perseverance, the fact that we came with nothing 12 years ago, just a few thousands in a bank account, no job, no car, and that we slowly managed our way through this transition, working hard, not giving up.
Now looking back, that transition seemed easy. We were young, had no kids, no professional identity, we were excited, ready for adventure. Today, we have (or should I say we had) an identity, as professionals, as a couple, as a family, as individuals, that has been profoundly impacted by those 12 years, and that feels a bit topsy turvy these days. Re-learning a new system, finding a doctor, a dentist, a hairdresser, learning how to do taxes (don't get me started), how to start a business, the law, driving differently, all the cultural non verbal rules that are different, the food, the drugs (when you absolutely need them), the behavioral and social codes at school and at work, the do's and don'ts, the cost of things (don't get me started either), the geographical setting (when you live in the countryside, you can go for days without seeing a soul, unless you get out), EVERYTHING, absolutely everything is different. And just because it's a western culture doesn't mean it's easier. Because it's more subtle. My hat is off to all the army wives that do this every couple of years. I don't even know how…
So the things I had been missing the most while living in L.A are there, and they are wonderful: time with family, my kids speaking French, breathtaking landscapes and refreshing nature, all of that is wonderful and priceless. But it is layered with an undercurrent of grief that comes and goes, and though it is much better today, especially after our very meaningful couple's retreat, it has been coming quite strongly in the last few weeks. Oh how I have missed my L.A! The beach, the ocean, the wild wild west when we would go up North to camp, Trader Joe's, Target, the streets of Pasadena, the cool coffee shops (coffee shops here are all the same, too expensive, nothing unique and SO depressing! We'd make a fortune if we opened one!), the sunshine, our neighbors, our friends, our rustic home, my pretty dishes, surfing, Farmer's Markets, Altadena and all its hippie dip pie people, Aveson, the most amazing school, the language, the laid-back spirit, people smiling everywhere…Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy here, and we are blessed. But this is a MAJOR life transition. And this is my diary of some sort. Writing it down and sharing it helps me process it a little more. Those of you who have gone through such a shift will understand. The other ones might think I am complicated. That's OK, I'm a therapist, I'm supposed to be. It makes me great at understanding other complicated people :) And until you have let go of everything you built to start something new at 40 in another culture, you may not "get it".
Let's take a breather and come back to the surface a bit. I am talking a lot about me and my process. The success story in all this is that the kids are doing great! They both speak better and better French, memorize songs and poems, use expressions I had forgotten about (it always brings a smile to my face) and since mid-Spring, they have spent hours catching fishes, frogs and toads in the garden.
Kahleo is becoming quit the artist and enjoys drawing quite a bit. Kaelan is always singing and still so musically inclined, we can't wait to sign him up for Music classes next year. Kahleo would like to start break dancing and drawing classes. He reads and reads and reads in French and English, and is an excellent student at school, bring great results home with very little effort. They both have best friends and a solid group of friends, playdates and birthday parties to go to. We speak Frenglish at home, sometimes French, sometimes English, but they tend to speak French to me and English to Michael. The irony is that I sometimes respond to them in English (yep, I'm still struggling with my own language).
Michael planted a beautiful vegetable garden from which we are already eating delicious salads, and he is experimenting with permaculture. He has decreased his work time so he can focus on the photography and has booked a few weddings and events for the summer. He is incredibly talented and I am very proud of him and of all the work he is putting into developing this aspect of his giftings. If you haven't yet, check out his work at www. michaelthompson.photodeck.com
Spring has been absolutely gorgeous, each week giving way to another type of flower blooming and leading us with wonder into new colors and fragrances. The weather has been mostly nice and we have taken the paddle board on the lake twice already. Sailing is calling Michael's name and he has just started racing on the lake with a few teams.
